The happiest I've ever been
ben-mini.com

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212 points

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bewal416

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3 days ago

86 comments

bengale ・ 2 hours ago

In the nicest possible way, this is basically the oldest lesson there is.

You weren’t happy because you optimized your feelings or had the right opinions. You were happy because you stopped focusing on yourself and became responsible for other people. Six kids needed you, in the real world, every week. That kind of outward focus kills emptiness fast.

Chasing happiness, moral righteousness, or political engagement just loops you back into your own head, helping people doesn’t. Feeling good is a side-effect of being useful, not the goal.

  • nvarsj ・ 2 hours ago

    There’s an entire generation of mostly childless adults who are shocked to find they enjoy contributing to others’ happiness. I have friends like this, their only purpose in life is to have no responsibilities, FIRE, and never give to anyone but themselves. Seems like a terribly depressing way to live but pretty common in tech/upper middle class circles.

    • whaleidk ・ an hour ago

      People who want to be childless usually champion the importance of building strong community through friends and neighbors, just because they don’t want kids doesn’t mean they don’t want to contribute to others’ happiness lol. People wanting FIRE is a lot more to do with the current economy and wealth of useless or harmful jobs than kids

    • bengale ・ an hour ago

      Yeah, and I do get it to some extent. Everything about having a child seems burdensome and hard. Turns out it's doesn't feel anything like that and I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing. I wouldn't swap with another person on this planet.

      • cheema33 ・ an hour ago

        > Everything about having a child seems burdensome and hard. Turns out it's doesn't feel anything like that and I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing.

        You got lucky and had kid(s) that were not extremely difficult to raise. Not everybody gets that. Not all kids are alike. Some will make your life a living hell. It is a total crapshoot.

        Also, not everybody enjoys parenting, even if they have easy kids. We are not all built the same.

        I did get lucky and had relatively easy kids. I love them. But, I do not enjoy parenting.

      • nlavezzo ・ an hour ago

        100%. I never was excited about having a kid but it's totally amazing to be helping a little human that you love to figure out the world and grow into a good person.

        People can obviously make the opposite choice, but I'd encourage anyone that's never been around good little kids as an adult, to find a way to be around them in a helpful or fun role for a while. Volunteer at a youth group, sports camp, coding class, whatever. Or just be an "uncle" to some of your friends' kids. My volunteering at a church youth group in my early 20's probably gave me the nudge I needed.

    • RGamma ・ 28 minutes ago

      Childlessness seems to be an increasingly compassionate choice. Degrowth by force.

  • perrygeo ・ 18 minutes ago

    The entire zeitgeist of software technology revolves around the assumption that making things efficient, easy, and quick is inherently good. Most people who are "sitting in front of rectangles, moving tiny rectangles" have sometime grandiose notions of their works' importance; we're making X work better for the good of Y to enable Z. Abstract shit like that.

    No man, you're just making X easier. If the world needs more X, fine. If not, woops.

    The detachment from reality makes it all too easy to deceive yourself into thinking "hey this actually helps people".

    • Swizec ・ 6 minutes ago

      > Most people who are "sitting in front of rectangles, moving tiny rectangles"

      Hey dude these are my emotional support rectangles!

      Truth is, anything can be meaningful. We make our own meaning and almost anything will do as long as you believe in it. If optimizing rectangles on the screen makes you happy, that’s great. If it doesn’t, find something else to do.

  • et-al ・ an hour ago

    Also, I think for a good number of people, their first job out of college is oftentimes one they will look fondly back on because they've just finished ~17 years of school, have financial independence with a salary, and are still bright-eyed about all the possibilities.

  • jraby3 ・ 2 hours ago

    Similar for me. Happiest I've ever been was when I was an assistant guide for birthright Israel.

    My job was to make sure the 40 kids that came were having a good time. When your job is to make others happy, you become happy.

NickNaraghi ・ 2 hours ago

Csikszentmihalyi's flow research[0] basically predicts the author's whole arc here. People are happiest during structured, challenging activities with clear goals and tight feedback loops. Coaching middle schoolers in a gym hits every condition on his list.

Btw, the other finding worth mentioning is that people consistently predict that free time and relaxation will make them happier, then report the opposite.

[0] Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience if you haven't read it

arjie ・ 2 hours ago

Huh, strange. I remember when I was a little 9 year old boy typing in:

    FD 40
    RT 90
    FD 40
    RT 90
    FD 40
    RT 90
    FD 40
    RT 90
To get a square on the screen. And then I was slightly older boy destroying my dad's precious slides for his presentation by formatting the entire disk accidentally while installing Red Hat Linux 8 Psyche from CDs my dad got at the bazaar. I was so excited for Shrike to come out the next year.

Then I was slightly older and discovered that 'programs' are just text you use a 'compiler' on and not a special thing you made in Borland's Turbo C.

Then I was older and started using vim. Then older still and made HTML pages with this new thing called DHTML on Geocities. Then ActivePerl. Then a VPS. Then Wordpress. Then discovered Prolog, Eclipse for Java, Mex for C++ in Matlab, and git. Then some years later github. Then interned in SF and discovered CI/CD, Hadoop et al. and how servers look in a DC in SOMA. Then IntelliJ. Then a trading engine. And then GPT was announced. And TalkToTransformer showed the future. And then people were demoing these ugly To-Do lists it could make. And suddenly we're here today.

Every stage of software has been incredible. I don't have to `movq`. I don't have to `jstack`. If I want a TUI, the tools can construct one to my specifications in moments. It's sheer magic, man. It's a scary time (I've had a couple of what-if nightmares about Dario Amodei ruling the world with his LLMs) but it's also exciting. I think I am happiest today. We're going to do so many wonderful things for so many people now that this is so much cheaper.

Perhaps it's just the good fortune of being born at this time during this thing and riding that wave, but it feels like the world of computing has just been so full of amazing leaps forward during my life. I look back each time and I think "man, I was doing that thing when I could have been doing it so much better?". And I feel so hopeful for the future.

  • lm28469 ・ 2 hours ago

    We're retiring later and later, working more per week, purchasing power is going down, quality of goods is going down, life expectancy is decreasing, child mortality is increasing, teenage suicide is increasing, illiteracy is increasing, &c.

    But trust us this time we'll do incredible things, the same things but more of it, faster and cheaper, will automatically make things amazing!

    • cheema33 ・ 33 minutes ago

      > We're retiring later and later, working more per week

      That may be true. But, if somebody offered me a time machine to travel back in time and live at any point in history, would I take it? Hell no.

      > purchasing power is going down

      That is not a new thing.

      > quality of goods is going down

      Phones are better. Computers are better. Cars, planes, washing machines ...

      > life expectancy is decreasing

      On the whole, this is not the case.

      > child mortality is increasing

      Globally?

      > illiteracy is increasing

      Globally?

      You seem to have a negative view of things. And sure, many things are not great. But the examples you gave are not it.

      • pixl97 ・ 15 minutes ago

        Ya some people don't know the difference between their country falling apart versus the world falling apart.

    • lstodd ・ an hour ago

      Excuse me, but can you please explain this whole concept of 'retirement'?

      It is some point where you just shut down your brain and feed yourself to the fishes?

      Not being an US person I'm struggling with this. How? Unless one loses congnitive capability due to organic brain damage how is this even possible?

      • coldtea ・ an hour ago

        If you work most jobs, whether cognitive or manual labor, after some point you can't do them anymore, due to physical and cognitive decline, medical issues, and the plain fact that you can do that shit as a hobby if you really like it, but you shouldn't need to go to some fucking office or greet people in your local Walmart in your late 60s and 70s just to survive.

        We call this stopping of work at that point retirement.

        How about that?

      • anamexis ・ an hour ago
        ・ 11 more

        Retirement is the withdrawal from active working life, i.e. having a job. It is not a US concept.

        • samf ・ an hour ago

          Right, and a nice thing about software is that retirement doesn’t mean you have to stop doing what you used to do.

          I’m retired (I know, I’m very lucky), and I’ve done as much or more coding since retirement than I did in my job. But to be fair, AI has really changed how I’m going about things, and I’m not sure what the future is going to bring. I really worry about my adult children and their careers.

        • lstodd ・ an hour ago
          ・ 9 more

          But that's the point, ain't it? If you voluntarily abandon doing things you are basically declaring "I'm dead, ignore that I'm still breathing".

          • xantronix ・ an hour ago
            ・ 5 more

            The notion that one's economic output is equal to one's worth as a person seems pretty wrong-headed, when considering what the purpose of life is.

            • pixl97 ・ 13 minutes ago

              >when considering what the purpose of life is.

              And what is that exactly?

              At best we seem to be rather large containers to ensure that genes get replicated.

            • lstodd ・ 41 minutes ago
              ・ 3 more

              no contest on the first part, but can you enlighten on what is the purpose of life?

              • anamexis ・ 39 minutes ago
                ・ 2 more

                What point are you trying to make?

                • lstodd ・ 31 minutes ago

                  Point being that at no point in your life are you bound to be defined by "job"-"retirement" state transition.

                  Shed it already.

          • WJW ・ an hour ago

            Not having a job anymore is very different from not "doing things" at all.

          • coldtea ・ an hour ago
            ・ 2 more

            Only if your life is so insignificant and your interests and social circle so narrow that your paid gig determines the whole of it and is your sole purpose.

            • lstodd ・ 38 minutes ago

              But if it ain't so, there is effectively no retirement?

  • RataNova ・ an hour ago

    Learning the lower layer felt like earning access to the next level of reality. You had to understand the constraints to make anything happen at all. Now it increasingly feels like you can just describe the intent and skip straight to the outcome.

  • coldtea ・ an hour ago

    >I look back each time and I think "man, I was doing that thing when I could have been doing it so much better?". And I feel so hopeful for the future.

    The future appears now to be: "Young kids wont have this sense of wonder, or control of the machine, anymore. And a whole lot less will now have a career in IT either".

  • RGamma ・ 2 hours ago

    And simultaneously we built this huge machine that gives us everything we need to survive on software we don't understand, ready to have it abducted by people who have never done a (positively) productive thing in their lives seemingly any moment now. Monkeys with computers.

    • pixl97 ・ 12 minutes ago

      This is the history of every empire.

      It's also why every empire in history collapsed.

  • pelma ・ 2 hours ago

    I thought for a moment you were serious, but the line about us doing wonderful things with tech gave it away as satire. Yeah no. Best we can do is technofascism and surveillance state. Glad you happy though!

dgritsko ・ 3 hours ago

These blog posts are fascinating to read. I don't have a personal blog, but if I did I'm sure I would've written a very similar post as I've been wrestling with similar thoughts over the last few weeks. I have the distinct sense that I will look back on February 2026 as an inflection point, where AI crossed over from being an interesting parlor trick to something that fundamentally and irreversibly altered what I do day-to-day. It's bittersweet, for sure - it feels inevitable that the craft of software development that I've loved for years will be seen as an archaic relic at some point in the not too distant future. It may be several years yet before the impact is broadly felt (the full impact of today's frontier models has yet to be felt by the general public - to say nothing of models that will be released in the next few years) but this train doesn't seem to be slowing down anytime soon. This post was a helpful reminder that who I am is not defined by the code I write (or don't write) - there's so much more to life than code.

  • UncleOxidant ・ 23 minutes ago

    > (the full impact of today's frontier models has yet to be felt by the general public - to say nothing of models that will be released in the next few years)

    We definitely saw some kind of non-linear step function jump in quality around the beginning of the year - it's hard to express how good Claude opus/sonnet 4.6 is now. However, I wonder if we're going to see the same kind of improvement from here? It's kind of like we got to the 80% point but the next 20% is going to be a lot harder/take longer than that first 80% (pareto principle). Also, as more and more code out there is AI generated it's going to be like the snake eating it's own tail. Training models on AI generated code doesn't seem like it will lead to improvements.

  • DonThomasitos ・ 2 hours ago

    One part of me tries to resist and tell you that our craft is not becoming an archaic relic, the other half already knows you‘re right. We just can‘t put the ghost back into the bottle and now‘s a good time to re-calibrate your passion.

    • bityard ・ 38 minutes ago

      I look at it like this: Yes, AI can write code. It can write it much faster than I can. Sometimes it can also write it better than I can.

      But: programming languages, libraries, and abstractions are not going away. It is still possible (and might always be possible) to get deep into the weeds of Python or Rust or whatever to understand how those work and really harness them to their full potential, or develop them further. It just won't be _compulsary_ (in most industries) if your only goal is to trade lines of code for dollars in your bank account.

internet2000 ・ 3 hours ago

The moving tiny rectangles framing is interesting, it gets to the heart of why I find all the anti-AI takes so difficult to comprehend. If you never made any effort to connect what you do with what value is added in real life, then it's no wonder better tooling is leaving you lost. Programming (other than code golf) has always been an implementation detail for solving problems IRL.

  • tadfisher ・ 30 minutes ago

    Carpentry has always been an implementation detail for making furniture. They have been able to purchase flat-pack chairs for all of their lives, but for some reason there are people who learn this skill and have fun slowly making things that factories already make at scale. A subset of those people have made lucrative businesses out of the very human craft that is carpentry, and are able to create custom pieces on-demand that you could never justify retooling a factory to create.

    It is okay to view code as a means to an end. I disagree, preferring to treat code as craft, and striving for better systems that are easy to understand, maintain and extend. And I think that's the source of our disconnect; deeper than one's opinion about AI is one's value of human skill and the effect that has on the output. Maybe I overvalue it, and maybe creating code "manually" is going to look more like carpentry in the future; but you cannot expect to convince a skilled carpenter that an IKEA chair is just as good and accomplishes the same task.

  • SoftTalker ・ 2 hours ago

    The programming itself is the reward for people who love doing it. It attracts the sort of detail-oriented thinkers who enjoy the doing and don't frame everything in terms of "value added."

    AI is attractive to the sorts of people who have their secretary write their Christmas cards.

    • cataphract ・ an hour ago

      I think there's a middle ground. I like coming up with solutions to problems (mostly technical problems, may even be very low level ones). But I always found writing the code generally tedious. Basically, once I had a good detailed idea of what the implementation would look like, actually executing the plan would bore me.

      AI is still not competent enough to come up with good solutions in many things I work on. So, at least so far, AI has made me happier.

  • davnicwil ・ 17 minutes ago

    I think all it means when we say 'solve problems in real life' is just the stuff you have to do that tooling can't abstract you away from any more.

    The sharp end of the debate now is around what exactly that means in the LLM world. It's extremely unclear what exactly the new level of abstraction unlocked is, or at least how general/leaky it is.

    There's obviously just the stance of enjoying the craft, and that's one thing off to the side, but I think the major source of conflict for those who are more oriented towards living in the top level of abstraction (i.e. what you can do in real life) is between some of the claims being pushed about said level of abstraction and what many still experience in actual reality using these tools.

  • skuxxlife ・ 20 minutes ago

    If you see programming purely as a means to an end, then yeah, I get this perspective. But to many there is enjoyment in the _doing_ and the craft of it beyond the end result. It’s why people get into woodworking or knitting despite the fact that it’s much cheaper, faster, and easier to buy a table or a sweater than to make one yourself. Value is subjective, and for some the value of code is not primarily in what you can sell to others.

  • voxl ・ 2 hours ago

    If you've never made any effort to connect what you do to the underlying mathematics, then no wonder you think it's all an "automatible" implementation detail, despite three decades of the industry trying and failing.

    • logicprog ・ 2 hours ago

      What about mathematics means coding isn't automatible?

      Also, hasen't coding gone through many waves of automation now?

reconnecting ・ 3 hours ago

The latest developments in digital culture are somehow more frustrating than anything I saw in the previous 26 years. Experience is replaced by prompts. Taste perfected over the years with defaults.

I'm not afraid of competition with AI-driven competitors — I'm afraid of people replacing real beauty with A/B mechanics.

Perhaps this is indeed a good moment to switch to offline.

Thank you for sharing your inspiring example.

  • jnovek ・ 3 hours ago

    I started programming when I was eleven years old and I’m now in my 40s. I have no idea what to do with the rest of my life.

    • reconnecting ・ 3 hours ago

      Same here. I've long had the feeling that the internet could somehow help the world, but honestly, I don't feel that's the case anymore.

      • DougN7 ・ 2 hours ago
        ・ 2 more

        There is a whole lot of crap out there. But I think the Internet HAS been a game changer in lifting people out of poverty and increasing standards of living. Communication is awesome. And although there is a lot of propaganda (which there has always been) there is now also a lot of truth and counter claims. It’s no longer just the rich that have access to information (think of farmers guessing at what their crop was worth). I _hope_ AI will do similarly, but I have my doubts on that one.

        • reconnecting ・ 2 hours ago

          The irony of the moment is that a billionaire in a Michelin-star restaurant and a homeless person on the street are scrolling through the same Instagram feed.

    • Remnant44 ・ 2 hours ago

      There's a whole lot of us out there. I don't know if there's still a future in the thing that I love, which is where all the malaise comes from.

    • kakacik ・ 2 hours ago

      Do w hat we did in corporate/banking/other sociopathic envs did decades ago - find another source of fulfillment and happiness. For me its adventures and sports and kids, could be something else for the next joe.

      Or just code as you want as a hobby, unrestrained, for whatever you need or makes you happy.

  • pixl97 ・ 10 minutes ago

    >I'm afraid of people replacing real beauty with A/B mechanics.

    This has been happening for at least a decade now, no help from LLMs needed.

DonThomasitos ・ 2 hours ago

Isn‘t it ironic that we software devs laughed for decades when we automated other people‘s work with our code - „it‘s called progress, deal with it, dinosaur!“ But now we see that a meteor might have hit our planet too.

  • kakacik ・ 2 hours ago

    I certainly wasn't laughing, plight of a fellow man is nothing positive. But this is usually so abstracted and distant from one's work that unless you have somebody close who gets literally hit themselves is just abstract movement beyond horizon due to myriad forces and random events.

bloomingeek ・ 2 hours ago

My new goals are: Seek beauty, Seek happiness and Don't make people sad.

With a lot of effort, it's working. However, I soon discovered the last goal was the most difficult. Long story short, I keep my mouth shut a lot more. I feared, at first, that this would make me feel I was compromising myself somehow. But I also discovered that sometimes when I shared my opinion, knowing it was correct, I would later regret how I made that person feel. Conclusion on their feelings: There's nothing to be gained by hurting their feelings when they weren't ready to hear the message. Double success, I'm still happy and I didn't cause them any sadness.

jebarker ・ 2 hours ago

Personally I want to have my cake and eat it here. Tech has amazing potential to make the world a better place to live in and genuinely bring people together. The crowning achievement of AI so far to me is not Claude Code, it’s AlphaFold. I find the documentary DM released about developing it inspiring both as a technology story but also a team achieving things together that make the world better. I want to see more of that and hope I can steer my career in that direction.

fortzi ・ 3 hours ago

OP might love tech, but he sure doesn’t sound like he loved the craft.

Describing it as sitting in front of a rectangle, moving all rectangles around is so reductive.

  • gombosg ・ 2 hours ago

    Exactly, basically then every desk or office job means sitting next to a box?

  • antonvs ・ 2 hours ago

    I don’t even know what he’s referring to. What are the rectangles he’s “moving around”? And couldn’t you say the same thing about all writers, for example?

    The one downside to the Internet and social media is that truly useless takes can get much more traction than they deserve.

    • Flere-Imsaho ・ 2 hours ago

      CSS boxes!

      Honestly the one thing that I'm really looking forward to is no longer having to touch CSS.

freetime2 ・ 2 hours ago

I honestly don’t understand how anyone has the time and energy to be a coach while working a full-time job. My kids practice three times a week, and usually have games on both Saturday and Sunday - sometimes several hours away. Just getting them to practices and games often feels exhausting to me - I can’t imagine all the planning and scheduling that goes on behind the scenes, or having to show up and actually run things all the time.

Hats off to youth coaches - you make a huge difference in kids’ lives.

colinnordin ・ an hour ago

> But improving each kid’s skill and confidence was the real mission. Instead of my desk job, I’d be asking Clayton how we could make Corey¹ use his body for rebounding. Or how Monte’s soccer skills could be best leveraged. Or how Evan, our best player, could become an on-court leader.

I wonder how software development would be like if we had coaches like this.

  • data-ottawa ・ an hour ago

    I have had managers like this and it was fantastic. I’ve tried to be a mentor like this and enjoyed it too.

    It feels like since 2022 the industry has been too rushed to run this way though.

  • RataNova ・ an hour ago

    I suspect a lot of people don't actually dislike software development, they dislike developing without anyone invested in their development

  • matthewpick ・ an hour ago

    I miss mentoring junior engineers in-person

RataNova ・ 2 hours ago

A lot of people aren't actually chasing leisure or money as much as they're chasing irreplaceability

billylo ・ an hour ago

I use my spare time helping kids at a FIRST robotics team. It's fun.

shermantanktop ・ an hour ago

My boss is a technologist. Adding computers to problems makes him happy. Getting people out of the way makes him happy.

I’m an IC (no direct reports) and I’m a “humanist”. Helping people become better and more skilled makes me happy, in the same way the coach here got joy from the goofball making a great play.

On paper we should probably switch jobs. I have way more technical depth, but the crucial difference is that he is more goal-driven, better at managing upward, and more in tune with political trends.

RickJWagner ・ 3 hours ago

I coached sports for all 3 of my kids. Great times.

One year, I had a superior athlete on my youth football team. A foot shorter than everybody else and skinny as a stick, the boy had the gift of speed. He’d run like the wind, arms and legs flailing wildly. It looked like he’d cover distance twice as fast as the other kids.

I took full advantage of the situation. Every game, I started by getting wonder boy the ball until we’d racked up enough points to be comfortable. Then the others got turns. We went the regular season undefeated and I began to convince myself I really had coaching talent. Maybe I could help out at the high school, or the local college! The sky was the limit, I was a natural.

Then came the championship game, also against an undefeated team. Their team had a wonderboy, too. He was actually faster than my speedster!

Predictably, their coach played it just like I had. Through superior speed, they took a healthy lead early in the game and never let it go.

I enjoyed all my years of youth coaching, but that year was just magical. Right up ‘till the last game. It was a memorable year.

hyperhello ・ 3 hours ago

> For years, you’ve sat in front of a rectangle, moving tinier rectangles, only to learn that AI can now move those rectangles 10x better.

In response to this I would say that being in the industry comes with a lot of learned role-playing, and if you are no longer happy role-playing your job in one way, throw it entirely out and find a new path.

  • SoftTalker ・ 3 hours ago

    > only to learn that AI can now move those rectangles 10x better

    Teams are already using AI to scout opponents and plan game strategy. IDK how much that will ever happen at the youth level because they generally don't keep detailed stats at that age but it will be coming to high school sports for sure, if it isn't already being used.

gedy ・ 2 hours ago

I "move rectangles on screen" to pay for Kids and House. That's what makes me happy, and jobs I enjoy don't. There's no wake up call necessary.

tayo42 ・ 3 hours ago

I just wrote my own blog post thinking about this. I guess alot of us feel kind of weird right now.

  • mmmm2 ・ 3 hours ago

    Yeah, I decided to become a "professional" musician a few months ago after quitting my last tech job. I'm not amazing, but I've got some places to play, and I'm starting to give lessons, etc.

    It's not an easy job, but I feel something I haven't felt in a long time as a software developer: fulfillment and contentment. Best of luck to anyone on a similar journey.

    • tayo42 ・ 2 hours ago

      If I didn't have a mortgage and family that would work!

  • sntran ・ an hour ago

    I feel similarly. Being laid off and doing job search recently got me thinking about switching to become an electrician. I don't mind starting over and lower wage, but mortgage and family depending on me still hold me off.

    • tryauuum ・ 42 minutes ago

      any electricians here who want to give a piece of advice?